Today I participated in one of my very favorite things... spending time at Wal-Mart.
Above is the cause for much pleasure in my world. Even if I do not buy anything, the time I spend just looking at everything puts me in a wonderful mood. I am not a big shopper, as other chicks are. I like to shop when I get in the mood. That's it. And no big department stores for me.. no sir! Give me Wal-Mart and I am as snug as a bug in a rug. I look at everything. From the lawn and garden center to the jewelry. Men's boxers and the candy aisle. I did end up buying doggie and kitty food and that was all I had to show for my hour spent deep in the bowels of our local Wal-Mart.
Ok, I did do something today that I should have a long time ago. Got my hair cut. I have had short hair most of my life. Pixie-cut short. I tried to grow it out, but it gets to a certain length and the curliness that I inherited from my father, (who you can see here.) it becomes completely evil. Yes, evil hair. You know, the kind that go the other direction when you comb it down, decides to flip straight up when you are about to talk to someone and all they can look at is this cowlick from hell that would make Alfalfa turn green with envy. Anyway, I got it all chopped off. Here I am posing for the webcam.
1. What is your lineage? Where are your ancestors from? - I am a mutt. I have Scottish, Dutch, Native American and French running thru my veins.
2. Of those countries, which would you most like to visit? - Take me anywhere. I would love to see where my family in France hailed from (although I believe part of it is considered Belgium now), check out Scotland, etc.
3. Which would you least like to visit? Why? - I would visit all of them.
4. Do you do anything during the year to celebrate or recognize your heritage? - I love to attend Celtic festivals, Scottish games, listen to bagpipes.
5. Who were the first ancestors to move to your present country (parents, grandparents, etc)? - My French ancestors escaped from France (they were huganots *sp*). They arrived in the "new world" in 1663 on "The Spotted Cow". My Scottish side came over about ten years later. I have all of this documented. My Native American side has been here since they crossed the Bering Strait.
I think that my earliest memory was when I was two years old at the most. I can remember the gold shag carpeting that was all the rage in the early '70s. I can remember the steps up into the bedrooms. I suppose I recall these the most vividly because I was just a little toddler and I must have spent most of my time crawling around. Makes perfect sense that my memories would be of the floor.
That is a "general memory" but the first specific one was in the same house. I remember sneaking into the kitchen at night and getting the blue chalkboard down off counter/refridgerator. Instead of using chalk, I colored it with crayons. I was so content sitting there on the linoleum, coloring away amidst the soft glow and low hum of the aquarium.
I can tell that today is going to be another one of those days. My head is killing me and I don't know why. Not like a regular headache. I noticed yesterday that the left side of my head was hurting and itching (the kind of itch when something in healing) and was a bit swollen as if I had banged it on something. This morning when I woke up, it is like that on the right side of my forehead and I have a sharp pain behind my left eye. I know, I should go to the doctor, but I have taken out my contacts to see if maybe the sharp pain behind my eye is that. Not sure about the swelling and itching tho. Brain tumor? Great.
So instead of a productive day, I am sitting here, staring at the computer screen (which I am sure does not help matters any). Even have one of those very annoying judge shows playing in the background. I really wanted to work on some things but there is no way I can concentrate for any significant amount of time.
I will probably post more later, if I feel a bit better!
I have been in a complete blue funk all day long. Such a bad mood that I could not even bring myself to update the quote of the day on my site! I will do that affter blogging, but it took me until damn near 6 pm to get that much motivation up.
What in the world could put me, the internet addict in such a state? I lost the $75 gift card that my mother sent me for my birthday. It is not even the fact of the money, but I have no done anything really nice for myself in quite a while, plus it was a gift from my mother! I have not seen my parents in almost 2 years and for such a close knit family, that is an eternity.
I have been battling homesickness for a while now. Let me just say that living in another country, albeit Canada, makes you really appreciate the good ol' U.S.A. I really want to move back. Don't get me wrong, it is beautiful here, just not where I want to be for the rest of my life. I do not like the politics, and even some of the outlooks. That's just me. I believe it has a lot to do with the fact that my family has been in what is now the U.S. since 1663 and fought in the Revolution and every war thereafter. I love my country. I have always gotten teary-eyed during the playing of the national anthem and after the events of last September, the feeling has increased immeasurably.
Anyway, back to the lost card. I am kicking myself for even taking it out of my wallet.
I think that I am just going to try and forget about it. Learned my lesson about being careless with things.
I have read that just writing what you like and dislike about yourself, with little or no reasons why or why not, can really help you decide what point you are at, and how you truly see yourself. I guess I am going to try and do this every Tuesday. Will be very interesting to see how things change week to week.
Things I like:
1. My sensitivity 2. My compassion 3. My connection to animals 4. My intelligence 5. My creativity
Things I dislike:
1. My tummy (not as flat as I'd like.) 2. My teeth 3. My jealousy 4. My impatience 5. My slacking
Well, I think that I have some things to work on. It should be interesting to see how this all plays out. Next week I will talk about how I tried to change the bad and embrace the good.
After a bit of housework and a lot of coffee, I am looking at things from a different perspective. Maybe all is not as bad as I thought it was during my early waking moments! Maybe this can all work. I just need to hunker down and do, not procrastinate. I need to be positive and look at myself that way. There has to be a middle-ground for loving another and loving yourself. I know I can find it. I am giving it another go before I give up.
I have to admit that I am not the best at making decisions to start a new chapter in my life. I ponder and imagine everything for months. I stress over it for the same amount of time. Stressing so much that my gut feels like there is a hot poker trying to push its way out. Something has to be done and soon, because this situation I am in is not healthy in any way, shape, or form.
I put myself here, I know that. I can honestly admit that to myself now. Somehow, coming to that realization has given me some inner peace, although I still fear the future. It could possibly be that I know in my heart that these past two years have been filled with nothing but mistakes.
Where would I be now if I had just stayed and did what I was supposed to in Florida? If I had never called back out? I now have to deal with the fact that I have made some serious errors in judgement and it will take a long time to fix everything, to mend all the bridges that I so carelessly burnt. It is time to set things in motion as I should have when I started to realize that I was headed towards a dead end.
A great sadness overwhelms me when I think that there is no future for me here. As much as I love him, I know that sometimes love is not enough. I have always lived my life to please others, to be the caretaker, the friend, the daughter, the supervisor. Never once have I taken the time to take care of me. I am almost 30 years old and I am just now learning to be an individual.
It is so amazing that writing these words and seeing them appear on the screen causes tears to well up in my eyes. As if I was reading a sad story that belonged to another person. I know these are my words, but seeing them makes my feelings real, not something that I can just brush aside and ignore. I cannot occupy my mind with trivial things anymore, it is time for my brain to follow my heart.
I just got an email stating that this blog is not viewable (at least not the links/sidebars) in Netscape 6.x. Help! I am new at this and I have no clue why it would not work. I checked it with an online thing, and I was able to see the links at the bottom but it honestly looked like poop! (The word poop is fun to say. Try it!) Anyone willing to help out poor little ol' me?
Isn't it amazing how a smell can bring back the most vivid memories? I was preparing to take a long, hot bath and I opened a small bottle of bubble bath. It was a discontinued Avon scent. (They always get rid of the things I like!) Luckily, my mother had remembered how much I loved it and sent it to me here in Canada.
As I eased myself down into the foam filled tub, the smell hit me all at once. There I was, back in Florida, in my old bathroom that was tiny in the small carriage house that I had rented. I remembered distinctly the friends that were about to come over. People that I have not seen in many a year. I remembered the ugly shower curtain that everyone else thought was gaudy, but I loved. I remembered that I was just mending a broken heart after leaving Danny for the last time.
These are all memories that I could not have conjured up on a normal day, but my sense of smell triggered something in my brain. Some of the memories, like Danny, were ones that I would have rather forgotten. He hurt me by cheating on me and never having the consideration to say he was sorry. I know now that he did not end up with the girl he cheated on me with, and he has had nothing but a long string of bad luck. Karma I guess.
Other memories were wonderful. The memories of having my first place, on my own, no man.. only a fish called Rodney. I remember throwing the best parties there. Cramped friends, munching chips and downing drinks while lounging on the sofa, chairs, stools, and floor. I recall the time that the party ended and a friend of a friend was too drunk to drive home so I politely told him he could stay, but when everyone left he went oceanic and turned into an octopus. I ended up grabbing a blanket and some pillows and camping out in the bathroom.
I think that I will try to add a memory a day in my blog, because with each passing year, I remember less and less of the details of things that happened when I was younger.
This is my first attempt at a button. If anyone wants to use a little button to link to me, is all I have to offer right now. More to come. The direct link to the blog page is http://nyte.deep-ice.com/blogger.html but I bet you knew that!
My boyfriend is developing an odd obsession with his leg. Yes, his leg. He is convinced that it is remarkably smaller than his other leg. "Looks like a little kid's leg" he whines.
I measured it around the thigh and the calf.. the measurements are the same as the other leg.
If I hear one more word about this "weak, shrinking" leg I am going to run naked in the streets screaming. He is now exercising just that one leg. I am afraid he will end up with one huge leg.
And I thought us girls had the corner on the neurotic market.
1. How long have you had a weblog? - Just started this one. Had one a while ago, but with moving and things, I let it go. Now that I am settled this should work out ok.
2. What was your first post about? - Way back then, it was some very odd dream with vampires tying my shoes together.
3. How many changes (name, location, etc.) of your weblog have there been, if more than one? - This is only my second. Hey, at least I'm not a virgin!
4. What CMS (content management system) do you use? - Blogger. 'Nuff said.
5. Do you read people who have both a journal and a weblog? Or do you prefer to read people who have all of their writing in one central place? - I think that most people are combining them, at least the ones that I read now. I know that mine can sometimes be a journal, a creative outlet when I am in a writing mood, or a bitch session.
Just noticed that The Fast and the Furious is on. Geesh, I cannot wait until xXx is out. Out on the net, even.
I say that you are never too old to have a crush on some yummy guy in the movies! My mother had posters of Tom Selleck all over the laundry room of my childhood home. She was borderline obsessed!
Google! DayPop! This is my blogchalk: English, Canada, ontario, NYTE, Danielle, Female, 26-30! Blogchalk told me to put all of this here. Interesting! Kinda cute little thing, even if it does nothing exciting.
If you notice in the left hand "best blogs" section, my blogchalk is there.
When two people live together, have the same internal temperature, and have the same comfort level with outside temperatures, they seem to still have a problem finding a mutual happiness with the indoor temperature.
This struggle has come to a fever pitch in my home. Goes something like this:
{me}: It's cold in here. {chris}: No, it's hot in here. {me grabbing a blanket}: It is so cold that my nose is running. {chris taking his shirt off}: You're nuts, I am sweating. {me}: Let's turn the air off for a while and let it warm up just a bit. We can open the windows for a breeze. {chris}: There are bugs outside. {me getting annoyed}: We have screens on the windows. {chris}: They might be tiny bugs.
Is there any way to solve this? I am at my wits end. I mean, I can cover up a bit, but my nose is still cold and don't let me get started on my toes. This is summer! Just wait until winter and I am toasty warm with a fire in our fireplace and he decides that there are no bugs outside and the windows need to be open with the snow falling.
I had been following the story of the nine coal miners that were trapped since it began about 75 hours ago. I have to admit, I did not think that any of them would survive, yet alone all of them. The experts did not even know for sure that they were drilling in the right place. I could not hold back tears when I saw the look of joy in the peoples' eyes when they finally gave confirmation that they all had survived and even more miraculously all seemed to be in relatively good condition. About time a tradgedy turned into a celebration.
is all I have to offer right now. More to come. The direct link to the blog page is http://nyte.deep-ice.com/blogger.html but I bet you knew that!
